Hawke the Cold
by Aristeia de Luca
Summary: After comforting Hawke when her mother died, Anders has noticed that she has recently begun acting especially cold and distant around him. What did he do to make her so angry? With both Varric and Isabela helping him, he is determined to get to the bottom of it. NSFW. F!Hawke x Anders ONE-SHOT.


Hello! This is a one-shot dedicated to no one in particular, that I thought of while listening to some music.I know, I know. I'm a traitor for saying that I'm not a Anders fan but then posting a AndersxF!Hawke one-shot. But I was honestly feeling bad about what I was doing to his character in my main story, Cancel Me Out, so I wrote this to make the guilt go away. I'd say this is a short one-shot, but with 12k words at 18 pages, I think I overdid it again.

Anyways, this is definitely NSFW, though the smut is probably not that great seeing how I have trouble dealing with non-possessive, non-aggressive, less raunchy male protagonists. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Bioware's characters. I wish I did, because then I'd have Fenris all to myself. But sadly, I don't.**

* * *

**Hawke the Cold**

* * *

Anders stared at the parchment in his hands and started reading:

"Andraste suffered at the hand of magisters. Thus, she feared the influence of magic. But if the Maker blamed magisters for the actions in the Black City, why would he still gift us with it? The oppression of mages stems from the fears of men, not the will of the Maker."

He held in his hand the manifesto that he had been so dedicated in writing the past week, devoting at least a few hours time to edit and revise as much as possible. He had little time to work on it as he was either busy at the Clinic or helping Hawke run her errands most days, but what little time he had, he spent trying to make his writing as clear and persuasive to his cause as possible.

He had hoped that Hawke, being the one who inspired him to do so in the first place, would listen to some of the segments of the writing and give him feedback on his ideas. After all, she was the one who suggested he try it out in the first place. Although, why she had told him to do so still remained a mystery to him.

"Well?" He looked up at her hopefully. "What do you think?"

But something was off today. She looked at him with her eyes distant, her expression vacant and her broadsword still clipped to her back. Strange, normally she would drop her sword against the wall, prop herself on one of the beds, and excitedly request for his speeches, thrilled that he was chasing after what he wanted most. In fact, she would sometimes add a few words of her own to help.

"I think it sounds fine." She answered without looking him in the eyes.

Anders frowned, setting down his paper without reading further. He was no idiot.

"What's wrong, Hawke?" He demanded outright.

"Nothing."

"You can't hide from me," He told her. "There's something you're not telling me."

"Last I checked, my parents were Malcolm and Leandra Hawke." She said indignantly. "If I have secrets, Anders, I can very well keep them to myself! I don't need to tell you about them!"

He opened his mouth to argue, but then realized that she had a point.

What was he to her anyway?

He was just an apostate that she graciously welcomed to her party. He was a help to her from the start, yes, but he understood that he may have actually started wearing out his welcome when he asked for her help to expose Ser Alrik and failed miserably. Nevertheless, he was under the impression that he and Hawke actually had a strong and healthy friendship because of it.

Apparently, he was wrong.

"Have I said something that upset you?" He tried. "Was it the writing?"

"It has nothing to do with your lecture." She turned away again.

He blinked. Lecture? She said the term as though it was a dreadful, boring thing. He always assumed she had like them. She hardly acted bored enough for him to think otherwise.

"You seem rather frustrated today," He told her. "I thought I might-"

"Don't, Anders." She snapped.

"I don't understand." He confessed. "You are... mad at me?"

"No, I'm just tired is all." She sighed, though it was half a groan.

That was a lie, and he knew it.

It had been three days now, and it certainly didn't take Anders long to notice that Hawke was not acting like herself. She had grown distant and cold, ignoring his remarks and returning his usually well-received, snide jokes with short, curt, dismissive replies. Despite his attempts to make her mood less gloomy, her shortness with him wasn't dissipating and he wondered if the depression Hawke had suffered after Bethany was taken away to the Circle were resurfacing. Perhaps the fact that he was always harping on Templars and mage liberation made Hawke feel guilty about not being able to help Bethany escape, in which case Anders understood why Hawke would be angry with him.

"Is it because of Bethany?" He asked. "I imagine you miss her?"

"It has nothing to do with Bethany." Hawke breathed impatiently. "Stop asking stupid questions. I'm telling you – It's got nothing to do with you, Anders."

He couldn't help but feel a little hurt by her words. Even if she _was _having a temper tantrum, a that-time-of-the-month, or just a bad week in general, he didn't think he deserved her dismissive words. What was her deal?

"Fine." He frowned, replying shortly in return. "You could at least tell me how I'm doing. I've worked up quite the lengthy manifesto. I was hoping you could look over it again for me."

"Could I try another time?" She asked, though this time not quite as cold. "I'm just not as interested in it right now..."

"Well, I suppose I could wait to try another time." He shrugged, frowning at her again. "And what did you mean, 'you aren't interested in it'? This was your idea in the first place."

"I know," She said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'm very aware that gave you the idea, trust me. But I didn't want to hear about it day and night, Anders."

"Ugh, I don't understand Hawke. I thought you _wanted _me to take a stand and do something to help the mages. What are you playing at?" He was growing weary. "I thought you enjoyed hearing me tell you about my plans. Just last week, you were-"

"That was then, this is now." She cut him off, avoiding his eyes. "I just don't think I care about the mages as much as I used to. Your reformation plans probably aren't going to work anyway."

What? Now that was just plain rude.

"What?" He felt his brows arch into a frown almost immediately. "Are you being serious? How could you even say that?"

"It's the truth."

"I still have to try! You told me-"

"You might as well give up."

"What, and just let the Templars do as they please? And let Meredith stomp around Kirkwall as if she owned it? What in Andraste's name are you saying, Hawke?"

"I just don't think it will work." She told him. "Think about it."

"I don't need to _'think about it'_! I've thought about it all my life! I've _lived _it! Would _you willing _enter a place where they say your very existence is the very sign of the Maker's hatred? For all they warn about demons, the most common way for a circle mage to die is by his own hand!" He exclaimed, his hands waving furiously in the air.

"It doesn't matter. Your politics really don't concern me." She shrugged. "Just keep me out of it from now on. I know I gave you the idea, but I just came to tell you... I don't care anymore. It was a 'spur of the moment' thing. I thought was helping you, but now I can see it was a bad idea and they need to stop. These meetings of ours are taking up too much of my time anyway."

He gritted his teeth, his hands curled into fists at his sides.

Why had she come all this way to his clinic then? Was she trying deliberately to piss him off? Why was she being like this? Sometimes, he just didn't understand her at all. What was it about her that made him feel this way?

With her mage sister in the Circle and her brother in ashes before ever even making it to Kirkwall, Anders had always assumed that Hawke would feel a lot better knowing that he had gone through equally difficult, if not more, situations as she did. He had no family he knew of and had no friends in Kirkwall prior to meeting Hawke. With Bethany being a mage herself, Anders assumed Hawke's blossoming friendship with him had grown quickly because he too was a mage, and she felt some sort of connection to him thus. In fact, their relationship only seemed to sprout exponentially after Bethany was taken.

From the moment he first met her, Anders knew that Hawke was no ordinary person; she was destined for greatness. Because of her sister and deceased father, Hawke was naturally willing to side with mages, a fact that made Anders both relieved and overjoyed. They quickly became allies and Anders was always present when Hawke needed him, which turned out to be quite often as he was a valuable asset to her team.

Yes, they were pretty close friends, in a purely platonic sense of course. They were also great together in battle, and it certainly helped him financially to travel together. She was always in need of a healer for her team, and paid him well for it. Hawke – with her flat blade and magnanimous strength – easily became his shieldmaiden.

But now, Bethany was gone and so was Hawke's mother. It was understandable that Hawke wasn't feeling like herself. In fact, Anders was almost sure that Hawke would 'snap' when Leandra died. It was true that Bethany's departure had strengthened Hawke's desire to help Anders out in his mage reformation. But when her mother passed, Hawke was left all alone and Anders knew it caused her more grief than she deserved for a woman so young. After all, when Leandra Amell died, Hawke cried for the first time in front of him.

He tried to console her about it days later, but she was already 'over it'.

What did he expect?

Hawke was a warrior, and she had always been a brave and courageous one. Not much could falter her steps, and almost nothing could stop her from raining steel upon her foes with her polished saber. If Bethany's departure and Leandra's death failed to shatter her resolve, what was the problem? She was not normally so cold and dismissive to her friends, especially not Anders. What was going on right now? What could be _so horrible _for Hawke that she would act in this way?

Was she taking out her anger on him or what?

What about him irked her so much all of a sudden?

If it was about her sister, he would understand her predicament, hands down. She was probably getting impatient. Anders himself had been in the same situation before. There was only _so much_ a person could take before breaking. Her own sister had been taken by Templars, for Maker's sake! And Hawke, no matter how good a warrior, was powerless to stop it from happening, and it pained her to see her mother cry over another lost child. Now, Hawke was just one woman by herself, and Anders couldn't blame her for getting frustrated at not being able to help her sister _and _her mother.

But it had been months since Leandra's death and Bethany's departure.

Hawke was doing perfectly fine coping with the fact. She had been acting pretty normal, having out with her friends at the pub and taking on missions like normal. As far as Anders knew, there was no explanation for Hawke's sudden change in behavior. Yet her insults and hurtful remarks were getting out of hand, and some were enough to get a non-mage civilian thrown into the Circle dungeons by the Templars.

What had he done wrong?

He couldn't understand it.

He couldn't understand her.

What was her problem?

How could someone be like this?

He grabbed his raincoat on the way out the door, stomping out of his own clinic. Yes, _his own clinic. _He didn't even bother looking back to see what Hawke was doing or what expression she wore. Internally, he cursed to no one in particular. He couldn't even curse at her in his head because he knew he would feel guilty later. All he knew was that if he stayed any longer, he wasn't so sure he could be able to contain the raging Justice within him any longer. If he wasn't trying so hard, he knew that Justice would've decimated Hawke into a smoldering pile of ash. Hawke wouldn't stand a chance against his magic.

Truthfully, Anders didn't know what else to do with himself. He was in too much of a state of confusion and distraught to return to his clinic. He needed to forget about his thoughts for a while, and the only place he thought to go was the Hanged Man.

* * *

The night was musky and chilly. The sky was murky and cloudy, and the moonlight barely managed to seep through the gray clouds above. The twinkling stars were nowhere to be seen and the Lowtown homes looked as lonely as ever, even the partially lit ones. Orange and golden trees rustled along the evening wind, brushing through Anders' blond locks. The shadows stalked him as he made his way down the gravel streets, his internal monologue trying to calm the raging storm rummaging in his chest, which hummed like some sort of magic ritual chanting. He tried to block it out.

The moment he opened the creaky wooden door, the familiar smell of alcohol, sweat, and gruel permeated the air. The loud yells and laughter he had heard outside now filled his eardrums, and Anders looked around to see the tavern filled with the usual crowd. The stuffy air inside was nothing to be surprised about, and loud drunkards were dancing around tables as usual, groping at the barmaids, and laughing at nothing particularly humorous. If anyone noticed Anders' presence, he'd be surprised. But for a apostate lurking in Darktown, that was the way he preferred things to be.

The usual customers lined the bar, including Isabela. And, of course, Anders expected Varric to be in his usual place upstairs. The mage immediately joined the pirate, taking a seat at the bar beside her. He could barely hear himself talk in the loud pub as he greeted her.

"Rough night." She sighed.

"Tell me about it." He said as motioned the bartender over to order a shot of whiskey.

"I never thought I'd see you drinking hard liquor." She turned to him, smirking.

"Let's just say, it's _that _kind of night." He sighed too.

"I thought you were with Hawke." She asked, leaning back against the counter. If there had been anything that made her night unpleasant, all evidence of that just went flying out the door. Isabela seemed more interested in his troubles at the moment, which Anders didn't seem to mind. It gave him someone to vent to, which was nice. Isabela smiled and asked, "Did something happen? You look all distraught. Did you get into a fight?"

"You can say that." He told her. "Ugh. It's giving me a headache."

"Ah! Lover's quarrel?" Isabela snapped her fingers, still wearing the same smirk.

"Not exactly." Anders smiled weakly. "We're only living together. It's nothing like that."

"Oh, don't be such a child." Isabela scoffed, her eyes rolling. "Everyone knows you're bound to pounce on each other one of these days. Why do you think Fenris has been staring knives at you since you went batshit crazy on Ser Alrik?"

"Because he thinks I'm the bane of his existence and the root of all evil?"

"Don't play smart with me." Isabela slapped him upside the head and moved her hands to her hips. "You know Fenris is rather protective of her. The elf probably has a thing for Hawke, but just doesn't know it."

"I thought he was with you." Anders remarked, not like the idea of Fenris liking Hawke one bit. "You're okay with his hypothetical fawning on Hawke?"

"Me and Fenris?" She blinked. "We're just – oh wait, what's this? Are you jealous?"

Anders laughed. "No, not really."

"Pity," She winked. "I always wanted to experience this 'electricity trick' I've heard about."

"That was a long time ago," Anders blushed slightly. "And I haven't done it since."

"Liar." She purred, getting closer.

"I'm serious." Anders told her. "Besides, why do you ask? Not satisfied with Fenris, are you?"

"Me and Fenris aren't like 'that'." Isabela told him.

"Right."

"I prefer to call us 'fuck buddies'."

"Whatever," Anders shook his head as he downed his shot of whiskey. "And you think I will sleep with you because...?"

"You'd like a lovely female companion?" Isabela said hopefully. "Relax Anders, I was just pulling your chain. It's not like I was serious." She winked again.

"With you, I never know." He sighed, shaking his head. "I imagine Fenris being quite the handful for you."

"At first, yes." Isabela shrugged. "But after a while you just stop listening to his brooding. It makes him angrier."

Anders shot her a look.

"It makes the sex better." Isabela explained. "Angry sex is always better."

"Thanks... for that." He cleared his throat.

"Whatever." Isabela sighed. "The point is, Fenris and I are not in a romantic relationship."

"And here I was, thinking it was serious." Anders replied.

"But you two _are_." She told him, ignoring his sarcastic remark. "You and Hawke, that is. Or at least, you ought to be."

"'We ought to be' what? Fuck buddies?" He rose a brow.

"Stop playing dumb all the time!" Isabela exclaimed. "You know what I mean! I'm trying to say that you two ought to be in a relationship!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh come on, it's obvious." She told him with another smirk. "Or have you not realized it yet?"

"Realized what?"

"My, my," Isabela clicked her tongue. "Has all that time you've spent rummaging through Chantry schoolbooks and intercepting Templar letters made you a tad daft, casanova?"

"What? No!" Anders frowned. "Are you suggesting that... I try to court Hawke?"

"Oh come on." Isabela rolled her eyes. "You've thought of it before, I'm certain. Remember the time you talked to her for hours after Leandra died? I mean, Andraste's tits, you live in the same house, under the same roof!"

"Well..."

He shrugged and shifted on his stool. He had thought of it before, yes. In fact, the thought crossed his mind many times already. Hawke herself had even alluded to the idea, but Anders had subtly let her know the first time that he wasn't interested – it was too risky. Besides, if there was mage dealings to be handled, it was always his first priority. He didn't have the time, or luxury, of being with in a relationship. Especially not with Hawke.

"See? I knew it!" Isabela snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Well, I've thought of it once or twice I suppose." He admitted, scratching his head. "After she mentioned it that one time, I thought of it briefly."

"Briefly?" She looked at his sketpitcally.

"Okay, quite a lot." He admitted. He was _definitely _not letting the pirate know about the time he accidentally walked in on Hawke while she was using the downstairs bath. No one needed to know about that. Ahem.

"But?" Isabela was asking.

"But I never have enough time to dwell on it. I have other matters that are far more importance and I told her I couldn't because-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Templars are evil. Blah, blah, blah..."

"Besides, it's not like I've been thinking about it long!" He replied, ignoring her mocking. "And with Hawke acting the way she is now, I don't think there's much I can do to make anything better."

"She _has _been acting strange around you lately." Isabela nodded.

"You noticed?" He asked grumpily.

"Oh, I'm sure we've all noticed." Isabela said. "I thought it was because you two had a fight."

"It's been going on since last week." Anders groaned. "It's giving me a headache. I don't know what I did wrong to make her so pissed at me. It's never happened before."

"See? You're concerned about her." Isabela noted. "She obviously means a lot to you."

"And that means I should court her?" Anders shot her a look before sarcastically remarking: "Yes, because a lovely apostate living in her home with her isn't bad enough. Let's just make her life a little more difficult by adding love into the equation."

"You 'love' her?" Isabela smirked. "I never said anything about 'love', Anders."

"I... oh, damn." Anders' head fell into his hands and he swept his fingers through his hair. "I didn't mean to say that. I just-"

"No, no." Isabela stopped him, still grinning. "You used the term, 'love' just now. All on your own." She taunted.

"It was an accident."

"Bullshit." She accused. "You know what you said wasn't just a slip of the tongue. You actually think you might love her." She said gleefully.

"You're enjoying this a little too much."

"Whatever." Isabela giggled. "So... you love her."

"Ugh." Anders grimaced. "I... I don't know. Maybe?"

"It's perfect!" Isabela said, taking a swig from her cup. "You love her, and she loves you."

"What? What makes you say that?" Anders asked, frowning.

"It's obvious." Isabela said simply as she ordered more rum. "Now it all makes sense."

"Quit saying that. I don't think it's obvious at all." Anders frowned.

"That's because you've been out of 'the game' for too long." Isabela poured a cup for herself, and then another for Anders. "I bet you Sebastian even knows."

"That's not making me feel any better."

"For Maker's sake Anders, stop sitting there and arguing." Isabela said impatiently, waving her hand. "You know what you should do? Just go to Hawke and tell her you have feelings for her."

"Definitely not."

"She's just as confused as you are right now. You need to go comfort her." Isabela pressed. "Just trust me; I know Hawke. She needs someone to talk to. She's having a hard time right now and she needs you."

"Then why do I feel like the best thing to do is to just leave her be?" He told Isabela, taking a swig of the bittersweet ambrosia before him. "She talks to me like I'm a nuisance, and I get the feeling it would be best if I just leave altogether. At first I thought she was just irritated since Leandra passed, but now it's just..."

"Aggravating and ridiculous?"

"Sort of, yes."

"That's because of how she feels about you." She said again.

"Clearly." He replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious, Anders."

"You? Being serious?" If he weren't in such a distressed state, he'd almost laugh in her face.

"Make fun all you want, but hear me out first." Isabela said, her expression unwavering. Damn, leave it to a pirate whore to try talking sense into him. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Apparently." He groaned, trying to shake his headache away.

"You're almost as dense as the elf." She told him, staring at him with her head in her hands and looking up at him with an amused smile.

"What are you talking about?" Anders said, frowning. "Don't you start with me tonight either! I've had enough insults for one day! Besides, how could compare me to that brute?"

"Because it's true." She said as she ordered another round from the bartender.

"_She's right, Blondie. Rivaini can see it, and so can I. Why can't you?"_

Anders turned to see Varric approach them.

"See what?" He frowned, not bothering to greet their dwarven friend.

"Think about it." Isabela looked at him. "Why do _you _think she's acting like this?"

"Well, it's not new for me to hear that Hawke isn't quite so fond of politics. After all, Bethany wouldn't be in the Circle were it not for those blighted-"

"That's not it." Isabela shook her head. "Is that what Hawke told you today? That she isn't interested in politics?"

"Well, I tried reading some of my manifesto to her since she was so interested in it the last few times. I suppose they've gotten boring though. She's just been brushing me off, but acts fine with everyone else. I was sure I was the only one who's noticed her-"

"Nope, we've noticed." Varric informed.

"Then why not do something about it?" Anders said. "It's not like I can-"

"We were more hoping to watch from the sidelines." Varric chuckled. "You know – hoping you'd figure it out yourself, see."

"We bet on it." Isabela said outright.

"Figures." Anders muttered. "Listen - I've tried talking to her so many times already. I asked if there was anything I could do, but every time she just turns on me and we start yelling about something completely off-topic and stupid. I'm confused and I have a headache! Are all women like this?" Anders had his head in his hands.

"Whatever happened to the old Anders, the regular ladies' man I knew?" Isabela smirked, propping her arm on the fellows mage's shoulder.

"Shut up." He told her grumpily.

"You are just as dense as Fenris, I swear." Isabela told him.

"Stop saying that!"

"She's not acting like herself around you." Varric told him. "And yet she's fine around everyone else. Doesn't that seem strange?"

"If you're about to say something along the lines of, 'she's acting like this because she likes me', then I'll just stop you right there." Anders held up his hand. "I've tried many times to comfort her this past week, but she's got this brick wall around her, and there's nothing that I can say..."

"You were the one who told her to back off." Isabela rolled her eyes.

"It was for her own good!" Anders defended. "Even if I have feelings for her, I can't act on them! It wouldn't do her any good! She doesn't... Hawke doesn't deserve that."

"Then why move in with her?" Isabela asked, frowning angrily. Apparently, Fenris was not the only one who felt overly protective of Hawke.

Anders looked away. He didn't have a answer that sounded good enough. "I... It was a good idea." He said after a few seconds. "I needed a safe place. You know how it is, being an apostate and all..."

"That's all well and dandy, but what about Hawke?" Varric asked.

"What about her?" Anders asked. "I don't know what else I can do. I honestly can't imagine what I could have done to set her off..."

"You are living with the woman." Varric's brow rose. "And you have feelings for each other. Maybe she was expecting something, sort of like a confession or..."

"Wait, what are-"

"Maybe you're going about it the wrong way." Isabela twirled the straw in her drink. "Ever wonder _why _she started acting like this? Maybe she feels something for you that she hasn't before? Think about it. Our Hawke is strong-willed and courageous. Even when Leandra died, she tried hard to remain determined. It wasn't Leandra's death that made her like this, Anders."

Anders paused. "Was it me then? When Justice turned on her when Alrik-?"

"You're getting warmer." Isabela winked.

"Careful, Rivaini." Varric warned. "I thought we agreed that there wouldn't be _too much _outside help on this one. Otherwise, you'll owe me 50 silver."

"Fine, fine..."

"Was it what I did that scared her?" Anders asked to neither one of them in particular. "Was it what I said that scared her off, or perhaps angered her?"

"Not quite."

"I don't get it. Why don't the two of you just go out and tell me what?"

"Because first: it's obvious. Second: You've got to come to terms with your feelings." Varric told him. "Stop leading her on."

"I'm not!"

"Well, I hate to say this, but how you feel about her shows on your face as clear as day when you're together, Blondie." Varric told him.

"That's-"

"Remember what happened after she found Alrik's letter?" Isabela asked him.

"She came to help me out later, and even got me to start writing my manifesto."

"And?"

"I never thanked anyone so much for giving me the inspiration and drive I needed to make my hopes and dreams become reality."

"How do you feel about that?"

"What are you, my psychiatrist?" Anders frowned.

"Just answer." Isabela told him calmly. "It might help."

"Well, I... I felt like... I owe her a lot. And I can't even begin to repay her kindness..."

"Get in line, son." Varric grinned.

"Hawke's a strong woman." Isabela nodded. "She's caring, and she's strong."

"Yes, she is." Anders smiled, thinking about the woman he loved. "But then after that... after that she just started to act strange."

"You _still _don't get it, do you?" Isabela groaned.

"What? That she likes me?" Anders turned to the pirate.

"Well, that's obvious." Varric coughed. "But you need to get in her shoes, Blondie. Figure out what's making her tick and find a way around it. Otherwise, you'll never get close to her again. Come on, I know you're not as dull as you're acting right now."

Anders didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or not.

"Hold on – you two aren't... trying to get me together with Hawke, are you?" He frowned.

"Isn't that obvious?" Isabela answered. "My, you _have _become rather boring."

"You two..." Anders grimaced. "You two are giving me a headache."

Perhaps coming to Hanged Man for a drink was a mistake. Still, it beat going back to Hawke's Estate. Whether he liked it or not, he still lived there with her. And they weren't even romantically involved. Not yet, at least.

"I need to get going." Anders tossed a few coppers at the bartender, brushed past his two rogue friends, and bid them farewell. "I'll deal with this later."

"Good luck!" Varric yelled behind him, and Anders just waved it off.

* * *

Compared to the stuffiness in the Hanged Man, Lowtown air was oddly refreshing, despite the smell of dirt and grime everywhere, and the dusty atmosphere almost making you cough on a windy night such as this one. The doors were dark and barely lit, and the shadows almost seemed to follow you everywhere you went. If a stranger were to walk in Lowtown at night, they would surely be scared out of their mind, and lost. Of course, Anders reminded himself it couldn't be as bad as Darktown, where it smelled of almost everything foul found in all of Thedas.

Anders sighed as he paced himself. Yet he couldn't find the strength in his legs to walk faster.

Hawke... She was always nice to him, always smiling. When Leandra died, she put up a strong front, and it earned her a lot of respect and love from Anders. In fact, that was the moment she broke his heart. He hated seeing her suffer so silently. Even for a moment, he wished she would lean on him for a shoulder to cry on.

That was when he came to her at night, telling her his condolences and holding her tightly. And for once, she leaned on his shoulder. She, the strongest woman he had ever met. She, the iron fist of Kirkwall who had gone through hell and back. Hawke, the fiercest swordswoman he had ever chanced upon, leaned on him for support and actually cried to him. She actually cried to him.

He had never felt so honored, so needed, and so much in love with her.

He – Anders- He was in love with her.

The cold breeze of the Hightown grounds whistled in the night, blowing around autumn leaves that waved goodbye to Anders as they passed him. The full moon never shined so brightly, and Anders felt almost mesmerized by its gleam. If only he and Hawke could enjoy a night like this in peace, without argument or cold glares. Once upon a time, that could have been possible. But now, things were so different.

What had he said to her the night Leandra died? Didn't it help her, knowing he was there for her? Knowing that she was cared for? Knowing that he was fine with her letting her guard down?

A cat from the bushes scampered off as he neared Hawke's Estate.

Then a heavy shovel hit him in upside the head. Not a literal one, mind you, but rather a mental one.

For in that moment, Anders was hit by a sudden realization - a certain revelation that left him standing for a moment on the streets by himself, unable to move and go inside the Hawke Estate. No, he just stood there, paused in time, his hand rose to brush against his finely chiseled jaw. He didn't even notice that he was smirking to himself like an idiot in the streets. It didn't matter: he almost wanted to burst out laughing.

_Now _he got it. _Now_ he understood. Now he saw what the deal was.

_Pffffft. Oh, maker. Isabela wasn't spewing bullshit at him after all. _

He had been acting quite dense. How had he not realized it until now?

Hawke was usually so tough, he had no idea she had it in her to be hurt at all. That was why he had to stop and think. Hawke was still human, after all. Why had he not realized it sooner? Isabela and Varric were right; he was losing his touch. Where had the old Anders gone, indeed.

Maker, half of him felt like such an ass. But then the other half wanted to laugh in joy.

He wasn't mental after all, and he still had a chance.

Had he always been grasping in the dark, hoping? Yes, he had thought of Hawke a few times in the past, but the fact that he just realized she had such tremendous reactions to him made him feel a renewed interest in pursuing her. Maybe he liked Hawke more than he cared to let on after all.

She had always put up a strong front. What made this time so different? Hawke had been acting cold around him because... well, she was a woman, after all. And furthermore, pretty inexperienced when it came to these things. In fact, she was more a child than he had given her credit.

She was putting up a facade. He should have known from the start. She did it, like most children when they were small, because she felt something that she wasn't comfortable with. She wasn't comfortable because of something he had done, unintentionally of course.

Sure, she suggested trying out a date or two before, but those could be brushed off as jokes. But now he had stepped too close to her boundaries, and she was suddenly feeling something strange foreign. Crying in front of him made her lose control, and subsequently lose her temper in confusion. In a moment of stress and unfamiliarity, she lost her tongue and just wanted to take the easy way out.

Well, Anders would have none of that, he decided.

Yes, she wanted nobody around her during that private time she shared alone... That is, the private time that she secretly wanted to stop feeling lonely. And yet half of her was still hurting, and afraid to let anyone too close for fear of losing them again. Half of her fought off to let someone so close to her again.

But he had found out her out. He learned her secret that night: She found herself vulnerable around him.

And he was going to make sure to let her know that he was in on her little secret.

* * *

Hawke was in her library reading a book when Anders came in.

She heard him as soon as she heard the front door click open. She knew it wasn't Bodahn, Sandal, or Orana. For one, she knew their footsteps all too well, and for two, she knew for a fact that they had all gone to bed by now. It was way past their preferred bedtimes.

Her heart skipped a beat.

_No, stop that. _She frowned at herself and tried to concentrate more on her story.

_This can't happen. This couldn't. Stop thinking about it!_

How could she? She was in no position to be with another person. She had enough on her plate. If anything, her attraction to the apostate would only mean that she needed to get laid. Nothing that a trip to the Blooming Rose couldn't take care of.

What was Anders to her anyway? He was an apostate, and she was a up and coming noble that had just risen from the depths of Lowtown hell to Hightown elegance. There was no way a relationship like that could result in anything. She didn't even know if she loved him. Hell, Anders wasn't even interested in her! She already told herself millions of times in her head to go get a grip.

So what was this thumping feeling she always felt when he neared? What was with the feeling of having twisted knots in her belly when he talked to her? Why did she feel so wicked and horrid for acting so cruel to him? Did she think that by doing so he would start to hate her? If so, did it work? Was he gathering his things now so that he could go back to his rat-infested clinic in Darktown?

She definitely didn't like the sound of that.

She sighed and put her book down on the table, taking off her reading glasses as well.

When her mother died, she had become devastated. She didn't know how to deal with it, other than tell everyone she was alright. It was expected of her, of course, being leader and all. But when she came home that day, after reporting her findings to the authorities and after the funeral, she just broke down and didn't know what to do with herself.

If Bethany was there, Hawke wouldn't have felt so alone, and she wouldn't have to write to her sister first thing the following day to tell her the bad news. But neither of her siblings were there anymore. They would never be there, because she – Hawke – had failed in protecting them. And now, her mother was gone too. What a horrible sister and daughter she was! How could this have happened?

And when Anders arrived in her bedchamber, it was just too much.

She wanted to have a friend. She _needed _to have a friend.

And there he was, willing to lend a shoulder, willing to cast aside everything and go to her. He never expected anything of her, and never restricted her to high expectations that came with being a up-and-coming figure in Kirkwall. He never tried to push his ideas on her, or sway her judgment. He accepted her for who she was, and was willing to see her when she cast aside her strong facade.

Was that why she felt so deep a connection to him?

No, that was not right.

Anders had said from the beginning that it was not a good idea for them to be together. After all, he was still an apostate. And he was hiding out in her home. Both of them could get in trouble for such a crime. She didn't care, of course, but now that she thought about it – it probably hadn't been a good idea considering how strongly she had begun to feel for him.

She flipped a page of her book, but when she began to read the first sentence, she suddenly realized she had no idea what she was reading, or where the story was headed. Damn!

"Hawke?"

The sound of his voice as she turned to see his head poke out from behind the door made her heart skip, and she nearly jumped out of her chair. At least he didn't look like he was carrying a box of his belongings and heading out the door... yet.

"What?" She tried not to sound too nervous, but what came out sounded completely different and irritated. _Shit._

"I was looking for you." He explained as he walked in. "I wanted to talk."

_Uh-oh..._

A quick glance at him told her that he was not as angry and hurt about what she had said earlier that evening as before. Still, she found herself flustered and nervous. If she didn't get out of here and retire to bed, she knew she'd only end up saying more hurtful remarks. She hardly knew how to cope with her feelings to begin with.

_It's not right. He doesn't even think of you that way. Even if he did, you'd only lose him. What is he to you anyway?_

"Can it wait until later?" She replied, setting down her book and glasses on the coffee table. "I'm tired and want to go to bed." Her voice was not her own, but she tried to make it sound less aggressive than before. She didn't know if it was working. She could barely hear herself think.

Anders didn't seem bothered by it though.

"It can't wait." He told her, blocking the door.

"Anders." She frowned.

And before she could say more, he took two long strides to make it to where she stood. He was almost too close for her taste. Her breath caught her throat as she inhaled.

Was he always this tall? She looked at him, blinking, rather taken aback by his swiftness.

"It's about earlier." He said quietly, and she felt his breath hit her face lightly. She tried to calm herself, and closed her eyes.

"I don't want to argue." She told him sternly.

"No, it's not that." He told her softly. She stared at him, her breath growing ragged.

Were his shoulders always that broad?

"I think I'm tired and I should go to bed." Hawke said through her teeth. "Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow morning."

Andraste, was that overly-commanding and deep voice hers? Maker, it sounded so foreign. What in Thedas was wrong with her?

She tried darting past him, avoiding his eyes altogether, but his hand grabbed her forearm and jerked her back suddenly. She involuntarily turned to face him again and saw that he was smiling. His grip was firm and confident. Was he always this strong?

"What are you-"

He pulled her to him into a embrace. She felt his hands on her back and almost felt her insides turn into goo. Her hand brushed against his chest and she felt the feathers from his clothes on her cheek. They were so soft... and smelled of his clinic... and flowers, she didn't know which kind.

"You're a strong woman, Hawke." He told her as he pulled her closer, whispering into her ear. It made her tremble and her bottom lip quivered slightly. "You deserve a strong man."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, trying to clear her throat and push against him slightly. "Stop. Get off."

"No." He answered.

Her heart nearly stopped when he replied with such a curt response.

"What?" She frowned, trying to keep her cool.

"You don't have to act so strong all the time," He told her softly. "I'm not here to judge you."

She stared at him, unsure of what to say.

This man... he was just so... charming, to use his own words.

But she couldn't. She shouldn't. Besides, she already tried and he rejected her. He lost his chance with her. What was this going to lead her to anyway? More grief? More sorrow? No, she didn't need any of that. She had no room for that, and neither, she recalled, did Anders. This wasn't even love... was it?

"I don't care if you judge me or not." She said coolly. "I'm not trying to impress anyone."

She tried to get out of his grip, but he would let go. She knew she could fight her way out of his grasp, but she also knew that half of her didn't want to. Not yet, at least.

"You may not be trying to impress anyone," He told her. "But I'm here, trying to impress you."

"I-impress me?" She wanted to kick herself for stuttering. "Why would you...?"

Anders looked at her skeptically. "Do you seriously need to ask, Hawke?"

"No, stop that." She looked away almost immediately. Even if her intuition had been right about his intentions, she didn't need any more complications. She was done feeling depressed for every single loss in her life. "I went down this road before, and as I recall, you weren't interested back then. Now, if this is some joke, or some way for you to get under my skin, then I assure you-"

"It's not." Anders assured her. "I'm sincere about being with you, Hawke. Honestly."

"That's a lie." She frowned. "And besides, I'm not interested in you anyway."

"Then why can't you look at me and tell me that?" His lips brushed against her ear lightly as she once again heard that hushed, dulcet tone that made her ears tingle and her stomach flutter.

"Get away." She breathed, her hands pushing against his beating chest.

"No," He said loud enough to make her nearly jump. When she looked up at him angrily as a last warning, the warm smile he wore nearly made her heart melt and turn to mush. He leaned closer to her and she heard herself intake a deep breath involuntarily as their noses touched. His gentle voice filled her ears and she could hear nothing else: "Push me away if you'd like." He told her, and she could feel his unwavering smile against her hair.

"If you think I won't," She started, pressing her hands against him. "You're very wrong."

"I don't see you pushing me away." He pointed out.

"I will!" She pushed harder, but her strength failed her and she felt betrayed. Why did her body chose to fail her now, of all times? She was a warrior, a unrelenting wave of strength on the battlefield. It was as thought ANders was a hovering behemoth compared to her. She had fought worse. This... this should be nothing.

His hands grabbed hers as she continued her feeble attempts to get away while her mind was still deciding whether or not she should give in. His warm fingers twirling around hers made her instantly stop fumbling around. She felt his other hand snake around her waist and pull her closer... Damn this... this... this despicable man!

"No, this isn't right." She swallowed and allowed herself to get away at last with one hard push. "I can't do this, it isn't right. It's not going to... I won't let myself... I can't...I couldn't bear the thought..." Her broken phrases and sentence fragments came pouring out of her mouth like a leaking faucet and she could hear herself blabbering nonsense like an idiot. Maker, what must Anders think of her now?

"Hawke..." His hand still clutched on to her wrist and slowly he pulled her back to his warm embrace. "Hawke..." He murmured her name over and over, smelling her hair and slowly rubbing her back as she attempted to retain control of her thoughts.

"You did this." She accused as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "You did this. It's your fault. None of this would have happened if..." She didn't even know how to finish that sentence. Hell, she didn't even know what she was trying to say. What was Anders' fault? He never did anything to deserve her irritation or hurtful words. As far as anyone was concerned, Anders did nothing wrong.

"I know, honey..." Anders whispered anyway. "I know..."

"You are terrible." She told him.

"The worst." He replied with a smile.

"I don't like you." She said, pulling away to gaze into his eyes. "I don't... like you."

"I know." He whispered.

And then his lips brushed against hers, tender and warm. She closed her eyes and her hands rose to bury themselves in his blond locks, feeling the silky texture through her fingers. His tongue gently brushed against her lips and she slowly opened her mouth to explore his.

"Hawke..." She felt the curve of his smile against her mouth.

"Anders..." Her lips brushed against his again. "I can't... I couldn't bear losing you."

"You won't." He assured her. "Was that what you were afraid of all this time?" He chuckled.

"No!" She replied defiantly, feeling her face grow hot. She pushed him away, stumbling back a little.

Anders looked at her in surprise, taken aback by her newfound strength. He almost stumbled a bit himself. Still, she couldn't meet his eyes and instead looked the other way, hugging herself with her arms. Was it always this cold in the manor, or had she just grown too accustomed to the heat against Anders' chest? Either way, this couldn't continue further. She was not fond of being embarrassed, for one.

"Leave." She instructed, pointing at the door.

"Don't do that." He said gently.

"Anders-"

"Hawke, please." He looked at her with his soft, warm eyes.

"I'd rather not take the chance." She told her. "First Bethany, then mother... I just... I don't want to be left alone again. It hurts too much, and I'm tired of it. Make fun of me if you want, but it won't change my mind." She turned away.

"I won't leave you." He told her. "Ever."

"Lies." She said with a bitterness in her voice that he found very uncharacteristic of his leader.

"I'm not lying." He told her. "I know I have little to offer you, and I am just an apostate living and taking advantage of your hospitality right now... but I swear to you, Hawke: Someday, I will pay you back tenfold."

"I don't care if you pay me back or not." She turned to look out her window. Stars littered the skies and the full moon could be seen now that the smoky clouds had passed. Shadows of trees could be seen outside, leaving dancing in the wind.

"Hawke, you're not acting like yourself. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But trust me – you won't lose me. Ever."

"You have no guarantee of that."

"And _you _have no guarantee that I won't." He replied.

"Unless you want to sleep with me and leave first thing tomorrow morning out of the city, I don't want to hear another word." She said. "I'm not going to risk being with anyone else only to lose them all over again. I've had enough of it."

"Are you _really_ intent on living out the rest of your days in fear? What happened to the warrior we all knew from before?" He asked. "What happened to the fearless Hawke?"

"She died when her mother was taken away from her." Hawke's voice sounded so mellow and distant. "Trust me, it is best if I distance myself. I've decided already." She said quietly.

"Well, it's not helping you any." He pointed out.

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not." He frowned. "It's making you hurt more. I can see it, even now."

"I'd rather it hurt now and get it over with," She said. "Than deal with it agonizing me for the rest of my life. A relationship will only make me go through the same shit again, and I'm not going to subject myself to-"

"Hawke, you're never going to get rid of that." He told her.

"If I can distance myself-"

"You can't." He said firmly.

"You can't tell me-"

"I can." He said with such conviction that his eyes looked like they were on fire. "You're never going to get out of the endless cycle. Fear, regret, sadness, happiness, pain... they'll get to you over and over again. In your entire life, you're never going to escape those feelings. It's no use, no matter how hard you try."

"And what do you suggest?" She asked scornfully.

"I suggest that instead of trying hopelessly to run away from the sorrow and pain, you try your damnedest to endure it with me by your side. If we're together, it won't be that bad. I promise."

"Are you speaking from experience, then?" She turned, her glassy eyes meeting his.

"I rejected you once, Hawke." He told her, curling a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. He felt her flinch against his touch at first. "I regret it every day of my life. I was just as afraid as you are now. But you know what? I learn from my mistakes."

"Anders, don't..."

He leaned down towards her, his eyes staring deeply into hers. Then, he kissed her for the second time. She didn't flinch or jump this time. Instead, he felt her lean into it slowly. His lips were wet and hot this time, and she could feel his searing desire burn into her. When they broke away, her cheeks were flushed and he still wore the same smile.

"I regret rejecting you every day, Hawke. There's no way I'm going to do that again," He whispered, his minty breath pervading the air around her. "... and I don't care how brave you are, Hawke."

"Who said I was asking..." But her words were lost the moment she kissed him back for the second time. Were there really any options left? What else was there for her to say? It was as though she made her choice before she even had the chance to say a word. She blinked twice, trying to keep her eyes away from his but her body wouldn't listen. Her lips quivered and all she could stare at was his smiling face as she started ranting involuntarily again:

"Let's just say we'll just figure this whole thing out." She looked at him through the foggy beads of saline that were forming at the bottom of her eyes. "You, an apostate constantly on the run and I, a Fereldan refugee barely able to get her bearings straight... the two of us? Our lives are already a mess, in case that wasn't obvious-"

"I don't care." He told her. "I don't care if our lives turn out to be even more of a mess – as long as we're together, and I know you're willing to stay by my side. We can get through it."

She stared at him in disbelief. How can he say such preposterous things? How could he remain so confident and carefree when they were at odds with the world surrounding them?

"You... you!" She didn't even know how to respond. "You! Are you just expecting me to - to just pick up where we left off years ago when I first met you? I know we flirted and I asked if you were interested, but – I mean, what do you think this will lead to, huh? What, do you think we'll just be able to grow old together and... and... honestly, Anders - what do you expect from this? To live happily ever after?"

He nodded, his expression not at all hopeful or meek. In fact, he looked quite cool.

"And I suppose you just expect me to just grow weak at the knees, let myself fall into your arms, and cry hysterically?" Her voice was cracking and her eyes grew even more watery.

"Well, I'd prefer you don't cry hysterically." Anders scratched his head. "You know I can't stand the sight of tears, Hawke. Especially if they're yours."

"Well, too bad!" She stamped her foot, finally letting her eyes close for the first salty droplet to fall on the velvet carpet below. "You stupid, stupid mage!" She cried.

"I know, sweetheart." Maker, how could his smile be so charming and sexy at the same time?

She felt his lips on her cheek, kissing away her tears. His gentle hands cupped her face like it was the most precious thing in the world as he brought her closer, mashing their bodies against each other until it hurt. His lips slowly trailed down her cheek, leaving behind a wet trail. She tasted her own salty tears on his lips, and met his passionate advances with her own equally steamy kisses. His hand rose up her leg and she shifted beneath him.

"How do you even know this is right?" She panted between their increasingly ferocious kisses.

"Because you want it too," He answered simply, breathing down her neck.

He grabbed her arm again and pushed her – roughly – into the wall next to her bookshelf. A vase at the top wobbled slightly, and the painting above shook tenderly. She let out a sigh of relief to see that no furniture was broken – not because the vase happened to be a expensive gift from a Antivan nobleman, but because she didn't want to wake her servants from this rather abrupt turn of events.

"Anders-"

Her words were silenced by his lips smashing into hers in an urgent, lustful kiss that made her lips hurt again. She brushed against the growing protrusion between his legs as he ground slowly against her, and she couldn't help but feel a certain wetness between her thighs. Pulling and biting at her bottom lip, Hawke felt Anders' tongue push her lips apart to stroke her tongue with his, ignoring her groans of protest. She could help but let out a tiny moan. Maker, Anders had not been joking when he told them all the stories from his playboy adolescent life. He was good at this.

"Maker - I want you..." He said as he nipped at her lips. "I want you... more than anything."

His tongue circled hers again and she closed her eyes to deepen their kiss further. Her fingers combed through his hair again and her arms wrapped around his neck. Her legs rose to snake themselves around him again and she felt his hands explore her, running down her collarbone and stopping to gently squeeze her breast. She moaned softly again and felt Anders lean down to kiss down her neck, his every breath hitting her flesh and making her tingle with anticipation.

It didn't take long for him to untie her pink robes to reveal her well-toned flesh and curvaceous figure. Her robes fell to the floor and she blushed as he took away her breastband within seconds. Her muscles were straining slightly and she suddenly turned away, raising her arms to her chest and trying to cover herself up in the last minute. How had she forgotten? She didn't want him to see all her battle scars. She had been quite self-conscious about it.

"Don't." He told her, grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head.

"I don't want you to see..." She managed to murmur, her cheeks growing hot again as she swallowed.

"You look beautiful." He told her, kissing her lightly.

"Ah..." She could say no more.

His lips left hers as she felt his thumb flick over her nipple lightly, barely touching her sensitive flesh. Still, it sent shivers down her spine and already she was beginning to feel the aching need for him between her legs. She could barely catch her breath as she watched him lean down to take her pink, pert nipple against his tongue, circling her sensitive skin in an almost painfully slow pace. She leaned back more, begging him to take more of her, and pulled tighter against his body. She groaned as she felt the growing bulge between his legs against her, the thought of him inside her driving her mad.

"Maker...", He panted into her hair as he ground himself against her naked body. "Don't hide yourself from me, Hawke. You are beautiful – the most beautiful woman ever... and I want to see every inch of you."

She didn't protest any further. Instead, her hands trailed down his chest, pulling his robes from him and dropping them on the floor beside her own robes. As he stood shirtless against her, she couldn't help but notice his broad shoulders and impressive chest.

His kisses grew feverish and more possessive, leaving red marks that trailed down her neck and collar. She knew there would be dark bruises greeting her tomorrow morning if they continued like this, but she didn't care. Her knees felt like they were going to buckle at any second, and having Anders' around her only made her breath quicken. She could see every vein in his arm, and she could barely recognize the lustful, primal noises that were coming from her own throat.

His mouth left her nipple, a trail of saliva following as he laughed at her awestruck expression and turned her face to the side, kissing her jaw, her neck, her collar, and trailing down to her chest again until he caught her other nipple in his mouth. Slowly, he brushed his warm wet tongue around her flesh in a teasing manner once more. His hot, wet mouth engulfed her flesh and she bit her lip in attempt to silence the passion in her throat. She could feel his hands roaming down her stomach and twisting behind her to grab her ass, squeezing lightly.

"Ow!"

She felt him bite her nipple hard enough that she swore he drew blood, and immediately felt the wetness between her legs grow. When Anders looked up to see if she was alright, she responded by pulling him closer with her legs, grinding herself against him and pushing his head into her bosom in a most demanding way. She wanted more, and if he was going to be slow about it, she was going to take things into her own hands.

He chuckled at her impatience but nonetheless obliged to her demands. His tongue circled her nipples faster, sucking on them softly before biting and pulling until she couldn't help but let her lust-filled moans fill the library air. She groaned with pleasure and her head was swimming with lust and heated passion as she lay against the once cool wall behind her. She brushed her hands against his burning chest and pulled him up and meet her lips once more for another searing, lustful kiss.

She trailed her hands down his stomach, feeling his breath quicken at her touch. She thrust her hips against him and was immediately rewarded with a husky groan from his lips. His hands held onto the wall on either side of her and she started pulling on the strings to his breeches, smirking to herself.

As she worked on undressing him, his fingers dragged themselves away from the wall and made their way to her warm thighs. He ran his fingers teasingly over her flesh, barely touching her yet drifting closer and closer to her wetness. She took in a deep breath.

"Anders..." His name poured out of her lips in a low, sultry chant.

Her fingers brushed against the throbbing bulge against his pants and she swallowed breathlessly as she loosened his trousers, watching his erection spring free, the tip lightly touching her thigh. Anders groaned in a deep, throaty tone that she barely recognized and his fingers stopped tracing around her thighs and instead closed in on her wet, dripping core. She quivered with anticipation and gripped his stiff cock, moving her hand against it in a purposefully slow rate.

His head leaned forward into her shoulder and she cried as he bit into her flesh. His breathing grew faster and heavier and she could feel his heart racing against hers. He let out a deep, low growl.

"Hawke..."

"Maker, Anders..." She closed her eyes.

"Don't get too excited now," She felt him smirk into her skin but couldn't see his smug expression. "I haven't even shown you the best part."

"What?" She was too out of breath to inquire more.

Anders leaned forward and mumbled a few words under his breath that Hawke couldn't make out. Before she could say anything more, sparks of electricity raced through his fingertips, making her jump in alarm. Her eyes flew open wide in both shock and ecstasy, and her body jerked suddenly. Her entire body felt weak and her knees wobbled.

Anders looked up at her, concerned. "Hawke, are you o-"

She felt him start to pull his fingers away and her hand immediately went to clutch his wrist. She raised her head and looked at him, growling.

"Hawke-"

"Again," She ordered. "Do that again."

He paused for a moment, surprised, and then smirked.

"As you wish," He chuckled as her hands flew to clutch his shoulders.

Again, she felt the sparks from his fingertips grow steadily, this time from his other hand. He slowly traced the area around her nipple lightly before letting the light magic increase in charge. He lightly touched the tip of her nipple and it became immediately erect from the wonderful sensation, emitting a tingling sensation that sent her soaring again. She leaned her head back and moaned loudly. She felt every hair on her skin stand, and the magnificent course of energy flowed through her veins, vibrating throughout her body.

"How does it feel?" He asked huskily.

Stupid mage. Of course he knew how it was making her feel.

But she could barely speak. All she could do was whimper for more, nodding as his fingers hovered over her other breast, watching the electrical sparks dancing from his fingertips and anticipating more of this wonderful sensation he was giving her.

"Where... where in Thedas did you learn to do such a thing?" She panted.

He only answered with another chuckle.

"Just imagine what it would feel like down here." He said, smirking as he started moving his other hand between her thighs gently. His fingers brushed against the dampness that had built up between her legs that was now seeping through her underwear.

She swallowed and shifted beneath him, her mind racing and her body begging for more.

"Anders..."

In one swift tug, he tore through the fabric, making her jump.

She saw Anders visibly swallow as his eyes scanned her up and down, taking in the glorious sight of her entire body bare to him at last. Then, he slid his finger into her liquid heat. She cried out to the air and grasped his arm tightly. She was already so wet and eager for him, and it felt absolutely amazing to have him touch her most sensitive region. She lifted her leg to invite him further.

He smiled and began to gently rub her sensitive clit with his thumb. She couldn't even fight against letting out another loud moan. As he worked in circles around her sensitive flesh, his other finger started pulling in and out of her wet pussy at a slow, steady pace. She groaned in anguish, wishing for him to just take her fast and hard on the spot.

Suddenly his lips were on hers once more, and she almost moaned in protest before feeling that familiar tingle again. This time, Anders released a charge of electricity deep within her, letting the vibration course through her insides and sending on a whole new level of ecstasy. She swore at that moment that she had cried out loud enough for the whole mansion to hear.

She let out another moan onto his tongue and ground harder against his finger. The magic from his fingertips increased once more and she felt another finger slip inside her heat. Immediately, she cried out for him and felt her orgasm explode around his digits.

It took a few seconds for her to gather her surroundings and to regain her senses. She felt herself pulsate around him. Her breathing had become more like panting, and she leaned over to kiss him hungrily, wrapping her arms around his strong, muscular chest and clawing madly at his back.

Anders paused briefly to let her catch her breath, smiling at her satisfied face below him before kissing her lightly on the forehead. When she finally had calmed down from her mind-shattering orgasm, she realized he still had his fingers inside her, and that they were not done yet.

"I must know," She panted as she felt him begin to thrust his fingers into her again. "Where in Andraste's name did you learn to do _that_?"

"I'll tell you later." He answered. "For now, I want you to hold on to me tightly. If you want, you can bite down on my shoulder."

She looked at him with a smirk. "Are you sure?"

"I can't take it." He chuckled. "You don't want to wake the entire house, do you?"

She shook her head and obliged, leaning over to kiss him lightly on the shoulder.

Maker, this man was perfect.

"Fuck, Anders!" She cried as she felt the same current hit her again. Her biting would leave red teeth marks on his skin, but at this point neither of them really cared about that.

He slid another finger into her, slowly pulling his digits in and out of her dripping pussy. Never had she felt so fulfilled... so over the top with pleasure, swimming in a pool of ecstasy. She moaned, clutching him tighter.

"Oh..." Her breath was hot and her chest was thumping. "Anders..."

He worked her back down to a painfully slow rate to tease her some more and she panted, reaching down to squeeze his pulsing member in her hand. She tried to grind herself against his fingers gently. But when she felt him release another electric current through her body, she almost cried out for him to take her.

That was when she heard Anders groan, and she knew that he could take no more.

He pulled all his fingers from her within a second and she groaned in frustration, releasing her grip on his erection before feeling his trembling hands on her hips, pulling her towards him... And when his whole, glorious length filled her they groaned together, savoring the sensation they'd both been waiting so long for. Her wetness increased tenfold in that one moment and she almost had her second orgasm right there and then. Her hands rose to touch his face, bring him closer for another deep, hard kiss, their breathing muffled and short, their lips hurting as they pressed violently against each other.

Slowly, she felt him slide out, only to suddenly thrust upwards, harder this time.

Her pleasure-filled eyes looked up to meet his hungry ones, and she knew that he was no longer able to control himself. Before she could manage to get her moan to escape her lips, he was already thrusting into her with long, powerful strokes, taking her against the wall like she had dreamed once upon a time. Even the finger-fucking she had endured minutes ago was nothing compared to this.

"Moan for me, Hawke." He whispered into her ear with that husky tone. "Let me hear your voice..."

His masculine scent and tender skin felt hot against her, and she met his each of his thrusts with eager moans, feeling her pussy clench around his stiff cock more and more each time he filled her to the hilt. This man... this beautiful, intoxicating mage... She couldn't help herself... she couldn't stop calling out his name and letting her nails dig into his back as she wrapped both her legs around his waist to pull him closer, begging for him have his way with her savagely.

"Harder, faster..." She panted. "Deeper, Anders. Take me… deeper..."

Her face grew red with pleasure and heat as she heard the wet sounds of their flesh against one another, and the sensation of his pulsating cock within her was enough to drive her over the edge. She moaned into his mouth, shaking with pleasure at the mere thought of him taking her against the wall in such a barbaric manner.

"Hawke..." He panted her name and she could hear the straining in his voice. "Maker... I can't... I'm going to..."

He groaned one last time into her flesh, his hands, groping her ass cheeks until she could feel his nails digging into her flesh. A bright light surrounded her, her eyes rolled back and she felt Anders' powerful thrusts grow more erratic. Anders panted hotly against her still, his member quivering inside her. His heavy, thick voice groaned into her for the umpteenth time and was almost immediately followed by the sound of his triumphant cry of victory as she cried out his name and felt herself explode in pleasure with him as he shook against her violently.

Then the world went still.

The library was more silent than it had been for the past half hour, with only their fast, steadying breaths filling the air. The temperature of the room had undoubtedly rose and Anders still had his hands to the wall, with Hawke's head resting on his shoulders and her arms wrapped around his torso. Their clothes lay in a messy pile on the ground at their feet.

Anders slowly moved his hands to caress her back, feeling her body heat on his fingertips and her heartbeat pulsate within her body. He kissed her tenderly as he pulled out from her and they embraced in sweet satisfaction. Her breaths grew more steady against his skin, and when they finally settled down from their dizzying high together, both withdrew to gaze into each others' eyes.

"I love you," He told her. "I always have."

"I..." She smiled and turned away from him. She blushed slightly and didn't know if she had it in her to reply. Instead, she looked down at the mess at the floor, and the leaking juices dripping down her legs. It only made her blush more to see the mixture of their ecstasy and dirty activities. Anders groaned and she looked up to meet his gaze again.

"Maker help me, looking at you like that is going to make me hard again." He groaned.

"Why? I'm a mess." She shook her head.

"You're beautiful," He combed his fingers through her hair, smiling.

She blushed again, and then smiled back. Then, pulling herself up on her tippy-toes, lightly pecked him on the cheek: "I love you too."

She didn't know if he was happy to see her back to her normal self, or if he was just surprised by her sudden initiative in intimacy. Either way, Anders' eyes widened in surprise and whatever he was about to say no longer came out. She giggled to herself silently.

"Oh, it's going to be a pain to clean this up," She sighed, bending down to gather their clothes. "Good thing we're the only ones awake. I can just throw these in the wash later."

"Would you prefer I carry you to your room?" Anders suggested.

"What? No, I can just put my clothes back on and-"

But he would have none of it.

Hawke gave out a yelp as she felt his hands pull her towards him again and lifted her above the ground. She barely managed to gather their clothes before finding herself being carried out the library, both of them completely nude in the dimly-lit Hawke Estate.

"Go faster," She urged through her giggles. "I don't want Orana to have a heart attack from seeing you buck-naked."

"Why not?" Anders shrugged, smirking. "I think I have a nice ass."

She slapped him on the shoulder playfully. "I think so too, but your ass belongs to me now, mage." She warned him. "I don't want other women seeing it."

"I suppose that's fair."

"You're damn right it is," She replied. "And don't you ever think of crossing me, Anders. If you do, I'll have you know that I'm the best warrior in all of Thedas the hard way."

"You don't have to worry about that, love." He laughed.

"Whatever," She blushed. "Just don't ever stop making love to me."

"Was it really that good?" He asked, happy that she considered their act as 'making love'.

"It was the best." She blushed again.

He let out a low humming noise before replying, "Good. I can't wait to hear you say that to me while I have you on your knees, writhing with pleasure." He chuckled.

"What?" She rose a brow. "What makes you think I'll be the one on my knees?"

"Wait, don't tell me you're the kind of woman that likes to dominate her men in bed?"

"Well, I always wanted to give it a try..." She teased. "Besides, what better way is there to make good use of your electricity trick?"

He chuckled as he took her to the bedroom, fully aware that their magical night was just beginning. Hopefully, it would be the start of many more nights to come. As long as she was by his side, nothing could go wrong.

* * *

**Eh... wasn't my best, but I was bored enough to write and post it.  
**

**Anyways, reviews feed me, so if you don't want me to starve enter something - anything - in the box below! Thank you! -ADL**


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